Talking with my therapist today realized that I uses some mechanisms of scape from reality, even when I'm with my friends or doing things I enjoy, I prefer keep doing something than paying attention to everything that happens around me, even when I inserted in activities that I like. half this attention makes me almost insensitive to all other things.
Get away from reality capacity is in the same time a shield and a prision, I just wanna be safe but not trapped.
Today I start to believe that I developed this skill when I was very young, by experiencing domestic violence and the loss of family and very close friends, and admit that these events have shaped me is so painful. I didn't want that, ever, I don't wanna run way anymore.
Despite this, he said that ability can be used to my favor, how, I still don't figured out and I just hope that enlightenment comes soon.
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